For Jeff and Jenny…

1. Babies make poor photo subjects. They’re always sleeping. If you have to take a picture of a baby, clap your hands really loud. You’re sure to get a smile that way.
2. Never ask for — and always ignore — advice from other parents. Their lying to make themselves feel better. If they do give you advice and you’re caught listening, take whatever they say and multiply it by a factor of 10. For example, you ask “When will the baby finally sleep through the night”. They answer “At six months”. Forget it, they mean 5 years.
3. Just when you’re about to snap with insanity, they learn to laugh…especially at you.
4. Babies are ambassadors. It’s how they multiply. If you still have childless couple friends, bring the baby by often. In a matter of months they’ll be sharing in the fun, too.
5. They don’t look like either of you. They look like Gerald Ford. So stop guessing.