It was announced yesterday that Jeff Bowden will be receiving a severance package from Seminole Boosters, Inc. to the tune of over a half-million dollars…$537Freaking,000 dollars to be exact. It is the payout to the remainder of his contract which, I didn’t realize, is 2012 or 5 years after his father’s contract ends…which would be next year for you Cane fans that can’t do math.

From the Tallahassee Democrat

He will be reassigned to employment outside the department of athletics for the remainder of his current contract, which ends Aug. 6, 2007….After that time, the agreement with the university – which is basically a severance package – calls for him to be an “an independent contributor to the university for special projects,” August 2007. He will not be an employee of the university in that role, and in fact can be hired as a coach elsewhere.

The majority of this payola will be coming from the Seminole Boosters Inc.’s non-donor funds, namely concession sales. RE: Coke. Brilliant. Now when the fans pack into Doak Campbell Stadium, home of Bobby Bowden Field, in the blazing sun of August, not only can we watch the team melt with us, we can contribute to the wallet of JB himself. Touche!

The Seminole Boosters, Inc. can make amends for this egregious backstabbing of the fans with one simple, fair, and quite entertaining proposition: Jeff will strap on a soft-drink carrier and march his ass up and down the steps of Doak during football games peddling watered-down, over-iced sugary soda.

Seems fair to me.

Barring that, may I also make the following suggestions for getting our money’s worth out of JB in his new role as “an independent contributor to the university for special projects”:

Teach the following courses at FSU

  • The Fall of the Ming Dynasty
  • Blame Management
  • Overcoming Overachievement: Blue Chip Recruiting
  • Decision Making 101: Narrowing Your Choices

Write a book: Rich Dad, Poor Dad – What Hall of Fame Coaches Teach Their Kids About Playcalling and How To Squander It

And last, but not least, stuffing envelopes. That way I can say I actually know someone who earns a fortune stuffing envelopes.

Maybe I’m just posting this all out of spite. After all, when I quit working for the State of Florida I didn’t get squat. Not even a cake. Color me green with envy.